Hour Rights

Every year, I have to arbitrarily change my clocks twice.

In the Fall, we set them back an hour. Everyone agrees that this is a pleasant experience. We get an extra hour to sleep, spend time with our friends, cook sixty servings of minute rice, get our oil changed six times, or just waste it like we waste away every other hour of our essentially meaningless lives.

In the Spring, we set them forward an hour in a ritual we can all agree makes for the worst day of the year like some kind of bizarro-holiday. All of a sudden, an hour of our lives is stripped from us. We are quite literally time-raped, which is an albeit less traumatizing but equally unfair form of rape. Or one could argue that, anyway.

It is what they call "Daylight Savings Time" - a name so misleading and erroneous that it would seem to be some kind of sick joke. Daylight cannot be bought nor sold and thus certainly not saved. Regardless of what the clocks on our walls say, time continues to slip away at a constant rate in accordance with the laws of relativity which will not be discussed here. The earth will continue to rotate at a relatively constant rate, allowing us to experience a certain amount of daylight in accordance with our latitude and time of year. We are sadly unable to alter the amount of sunlight we experience.

So, why are we being forcibly stripped of our God-given right to 24 hour days?

Answer: Farmers. This is what we have all been told. Something about farmers.

Let me then ask another rhetorical question: Why does a farmer give a rat's ass what time it is? You are a fucking farmer. Wake up when the sun rises. You have a rooster for that. It's a pretty great setup, really. The sun comes over the horizon and a bird starts wailing away with an obnoxious croon. No snooze button. Just get the fuck up. It's time. Then, you go to bed after it gets dark. No need for a bird there. You should be able to tell when it gets dark by using your eyes to see light beams, or a lack thereof as the case may be.

So, what else is on the farmer's schedule aside from waking up and going to bed? Does he have an urgent 10:30 meeting with the cows? Is the corn going to die unless it's harvested by 5:00? No. The answer is no. Corn does not know what time it is.

Has no idea what time it is

Let's just leave the clocks alone, eh?